She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
