I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
