just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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