My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize