I accidentally burped into my bong.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
