ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
