If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
