I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
