I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
