Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
