we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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