you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
