She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
