why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
