just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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