Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
