So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
