Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
