This girl is more easily done than said...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have aggressive nipples.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
