Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
