hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
