I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
