did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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