Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
