i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
