Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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