did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
