Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
