the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
NoShamevember. You game?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
