You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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