Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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