Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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