did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
