the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
