It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
