He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
