Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He shit in the fireplace
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
