Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
