I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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