Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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