do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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