Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
