I got chris browned last night
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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