I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
