I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
