He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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