So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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