Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
