We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
