As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
