Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
