I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
