I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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