There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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