I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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